imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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