i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
