It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
