I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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