I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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