I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
