a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
