I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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