Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
