so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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