I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
