Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
