yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
