so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
