you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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