He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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