Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
