I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
