dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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