I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
