My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
