I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just had sex bonerless
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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