A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
