Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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