So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
