i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
