I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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