From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
