i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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