I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
