im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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