Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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