just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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