I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he high fived his dick after we had sex
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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