I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
