So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
