So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
