WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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