franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
