I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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