Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
