Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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