his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
