The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
