If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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