i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and you fell through a lawn chair
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
