I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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