One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
