ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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