does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
